Observe, Don't Absorb

"Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." –James 1:19 (ESV)

Now, I know by the title that many of you already have a good idea of what this blog post is about. It's something we all encounter regularly on our walk with Christ: distractions. Satan is constantly looking for ways to pull our focus away from God, and if he can't get through to you directly, he'll often try to do it through other people.

That's where the title comes in: Observe, Don't Absorb.

As Christians, we can spend so much time reacting to people's words, attitudes, and actions that we lose sight of what God is trying to teach us through the situation. Someone offends us, criticizes us, mistreats us, or behaves in a way we don't understand, and before we know it, we've absorbed their negativity, their emotions, or even their dysfunction. Instead of observing what is happening with wisdom and discernment, we allow it to affect our peace, our mindset, and sometimes even our relationship with God.

But maturity in Christ teaches us something different. It teaches us to step back and recognize that people often act from their own wounds, fears, insecurities, and struggles. That doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it does help us understand it. Rather than becoming consumed by what others are doing, we can learn to observe, gain wisdom, and stay focused on what God has placed in front of us. Because sometimes the lesson isn't about changing the other person—it's about allowing God to change us.

But I get it—it's easier said than done.

I only say that because this is something I've struggled with myself. The truth is, when I understand why someone is behaving a certain way, it doesn't always make their actions easier to deal with. In fact, sometimes it makes them more frustrating. I tend to give people grace when I can see they're acting from a place of conditioning, hurt, or something they genuinely haven't worked through yet. But when it feels like someone is being deliberately disrespectful, critical, or offensive, that's when I find myself wanting to absorb what they're doing instead of simply observing it.

The problem is that even when someone is fully aware of their actions, it's still my responsibility to respond with wisdom and understanding rather than react the way they expect me to. Often, when people act out of jealousy, spite, pride, or insecurity, they're not thinking about the deeper issues driving their behavior. They're simply acting from them. For example, maybe you're sharing a breakthrough or celebrating a success, and suddenly someone starts downplaying it, criticizing it, or pointing out your shortcomings. Not because you've done anything wrong, but because your growth is making them uncomfortable.

And if you've experienced this type of behavior enough, the hurt usually isn't in the words themselves. You already know where you fall short. You've spent plenty of time working on yourself. That's probably how you achieved the success you're celebrating in the first place. What stings is the intention behind the words. You can sense that the criticism wasn't meant to help you grow. It was meant to diminish your joy, undermine your confidence, or pull you down a level.

And yes, that can be incredibly frustrating.

But over time, I've realized something important: God doesn't give us discernment so we can become offended more easily. He gives us discernment so we can gain understanding. If you're able to see the insecurity, jealousy, hurt, or pride driving someone's behavior, don't stop at identifying it. Ask yourself why God allowed you to see it in the first place. Maybe it wasn't so you could judge them. Maybe it was so you could respond differently.

Because discernment is a gift from God, and wisdom is knowing how to use it.

This is a moment to steward your empathy and respond in a way that helps the other person grow. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that discernment wasn't given to us so we could judge people more effectively. It was given to us so we could understand them more deeply. That's why compassion is so important. God entrusts us with discernment not to condemn His sheep, but to care for them. Not to plant seeds of negativity that Satan can water, but to plant seeds of truth, grace, and growth. After all, the goal of our journey is to learn, prosper, and make disciples of Christ—not to criticize people because we're unwilling to understand the insecurities and wounds driving their behavior.

If compassion is something you struggle with, my recommendation is to get closer to the Lord. The closer we grow to Him, the more we develop the Fruit of the Spirit. And if you ask me, the stem holding all those fruits together is compassion.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." — Galatians 5:22–23 (ESV)

If you’d like a guide that will help guide you on how to understand, practice, & pray about the fruits of the spirit, check out my free copy of Rooted In Spirit: Scripture, Affirmations, & Prayers to Help You Grow More Christlike Every Day.

When someone hurts, offends, or frustrates you, be careful not to mirror their behavior. Reflect instead. Mirroring is matching another person's attitude, energy, or actions. Reflecting is remaining true to God's character while helping someone see the reality of their behavior. The moment you begin criticizing, belittling, or tearing someone down simply because they did it to you, you've stopped leading and started mirroring.

That's why Jesus said:

"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" — Matthew 7:3–5 (ESV)

The truth is, if people weren't hurting, insecure, fearful, or wrestling with something internally, many of them wouldn't say or do the things they do. Anything negative that comes from another person is rarely coming from a healthy place. So whenever I find myself asking, "What's so hard about being good?" I already know the answer. They're fighting a battle I can't see.

And that's where leadership comes in. When people mistreat you, criticize you, or act from a place of conditioning, you have an opportunity to demonstrate the very qualities God is trying to develop within you: humility, patience, obedience, self-control, and reliance on His strength rather than your own. As you faithfully steward these moments, God continues refining you, increasing your responsibility, and shaping you into the leader He created you to be.

You may feel tempted to respond in spite—or what you might call responding accordingly—but make sure you're responding according to God's Word, not their behavior. There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries or expressing how you feel, but don't absorb what they intended for you to carry. The moment you react exactly how they wanted you to, you've fallen into the trap. I've done it myself, and later I always find myself shaking my head and saying, "I fell for it." Instead of responding with wisdom, I responded emotionally. That's exactly what Satan wants—not necessarily to destroy your faith, but to distract you, steal your peace, and pull your focus away from God.

This is exactly what Thunder was struggling with during Gravity Training in Episode Seven of Spiritfyt, Spiritual Connection. At first, the problem wasn't the energy walls. It wasn't the pressure in the room. It wasn't even the difficulty of the exercise. The real problem began the moment she heard the other recruits laughing. Suddenly, her focus shifted. Instead of concentrating on the task in front of her, she became consumed with what everyone else thought about her. She stopped trying to remain balanced and started trying to prove herself.

And isn't that what happens to many of us?

Someone criticizes us, disrespects us, laughs at us, underestimates us, or says something they know will get under our skin. The moment we absorb it, we've stopped focusing on what God placed in front of us and started focusing on them. That's exactly what happened to Thunder. The laughter created embarrassment, the embarrassment became frustration, and the frustration became determination to prove herself. And before long, she was being thrown from one wall to another because her emotions were controlling her spirit.

What makes this scene so powerful is that the recruits laughing weren't actually her problem. Her reaction was. As Nox explained, the walls weren't responding to her legs—they were responding to her spirit. The same thing happens in our everyday lives. People can only distract us when we allow their actions to pull our focus away from God. Satan doesn't always need to destroy your faith. Sometimes he only needs to get you offended, frustrated, defensive, or determined to prove yourself. Once that happens, you've stopped running your race and started running theirs.

That's why the lesson of Gravity Training fits so perfectly with Observe, Don't Absorb. Thunder fell into the trap the moment she absorbed the laughter and made it about herself. The breakthrough came when she stopped trying to prove something and simply focused on the next step in front of her. In many ways, that's what spiritual maturity looks like. Not the absence of emotions, but the ability to acknowledge them without allowing them to take control. Because the moment you stop reacting to people and start responding according to God's truth, you become grounded in a way that the world can no longer shake.

In Episode Eight: The Revelation Mile, Thunder's pursuit of leadership is pushed to her limit. As the gravity track tests every recruit's spirit, endurance, and resolve, she finds herself falling behind, questioning her abilities, and wrestling with a problem far deeper than exhaustion. While others seem to find their rhythm, Thunder is forced to confront the one thing holding her back: her identity. With every painful step, every moment of doubt, and every temptation to compare herself to those around her, she discovers that leadership isn't earned through titles, talent, or proving your worth—it's forged when you learn who you are in Christ. And before the day is over, she'll face a question that could change everything: Who are you when all the titles are stripped away?

It’s always entertaining to read about these situations in a story, but here are some real life bible references that could help you better understand what it means to observe and not absorb.

1. Jesus on the Cross

Scripture: Luke 23:34

While being crucified, Jesus said: Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Jesus observed the hatred, ignorance, and cruelty of those around Him, yet He saw beyond their actions to the spiritual condition of their hearts.

Lesson: Sometimes understanding why people do what they do allows compassion to replace offense.

2. David and King Saul

Scripture: 1 Samuel 24

Saul spent years hunting David, trying to kill him. When David had the chance to take revenge, he refused.

David recognized Saul's brokenness but didn't absorb Saul's jealousy and hatred.

Lesson: Just because someone treats you poorly doesn't mean you should become like them.

3. Daniel in Babylon

Scripture: Daniel 6

Daniel lived among corrupt leaders who wanted him destroyed. He understood their motives and schemes but remained faithful to God.

He didn't allow their jealousy to change his character.

Lesson: You can live among chaos without becoming chaotic.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, Observe, Don't Absorb isn't about pretending that people's actions don't affect you. It's about recognizing that you have a choice in what you carry. You can carry offense, bitterness, frustration, and the weight of other people's insecurities, or you can carry the peace, wisdom, and understanding that comes from walking with Christ.

The truth is, many people are fighting battles you'll never see. Some are acting from wounds, some from fear, some from pride, and others from conditioning they've never learned to overcome. That doesn't excuse their behavior, but it does give you an opportunity to respond differently. The moment you stop allowing other people's actions to dictate your emotions, your identity, and your direction, you step into a new level of spiritual maturity and leadership.

If you missed the blog post, The Identity Trap, I highly recommend reading it. In that post, we explored how easy it is to let the opinions, treatment, and actions of others shape our identity until we begin believing lies about ourselves. Many of us spend years wearing masks that were created by rejection, criticism, and internalized pain. Before you can stop absorbing what people do, you first have to know who you are in Christ.

Until next time, remember this: not every battle requires a reaction. Sometimes the greatest victory is maintaining your peace, protecting your focus, and continuing to walk the path God has placed in front of you.

5 Habits to Help You Walk Like Christ.

1. Pause Before You RespondWhen someone frustrates or offends you, take a moment before reacting. Ask yourself, "Am I responding according to God's Word or according to my emotions?"

2. Pray for the Person Instead of Criticizing ThemThe quickest way to grow compassion is to pray for the people who challenge you. It's difficult to hate someone you're consistently bringing before God.

3. Look for the Hurt Behind the BehaviorInstead of asking, "Why would they do that?" ask, "What might they be struggling with?" Understanding often creates empathy.

4. Spend Time With the Lord DailyThe Fruit of the Spirit isn't something you manufacture. It develops naturally as you grow closer to Christ through prayer, scripture, and Spiritual Connection.

5. Focus on Your AssignmentDon't get distracted by what everyone else is doing. Keep your eyes on the opportunities, responsibilities, and people God has placed in front of you. The less focused you are on others, the easier it becomes to walk in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

The more time you spend abiding in Christ, the less you'll absorb from the world around you—and the more you'll begin reflecting Him.

EPISODE EIGHT: THE REVELATION MILE

My lungs burned as I pushed forward, each step feeling heavier than the last. The Revelation Mile was the next stage of Gravity Training, using the same energy track we had spent days crashing into. Only now, the course had expanded into a full mile-long route that wrapped around the entire perimeter of the Gravity Chamber. The glowing energy walls still pressed against our spirits, amplifying every fear, doubt, frustration, and temptation to quit. The purpose wasn't to see who could run the fastest. It was to see who could keep moving when their mind and spirit wanted to stop.

Energy pulsed through the walls surrounding us, pressing against my body and thoughts alike, whispering that it would be easier to slow down and to give up. Sweat rolled down my face as I forced one foot in front of the other. Every muscle ached, but I refused to let my spirit quit before my body did.

Ahead of us, Nox maintained an effortless jog alongside a handful of recruits, moving with the same calm balance he seemed to carry into everything. Lyte wasn't far behind them, running at a steady pace while visibly feeling the strain himself. Beside me, Thalira struggled through each step, her shoulders rising and falling with heavy breaths as she fought the urge to stop. We had fallen near the back of the pack, yet neither of us quit.

The chamber lights blurred around me as I fixed my eyes on the path ahead. My body was screaming for rest, but somewhere beneath the exhaustion, my spirit remained anchored. I wasn't running to be first. I was running because that was the lesson of the Revelation Mile. Endurance wasn't about being the strongest person on the track. It was about refusing to give up when every part of you wanted to.

I took another step, my foot almost magnetized to the sleek black track. “I can do this,” I forced out. “Nothing…will stop me.”

I didn’t understand why everything was so hard for me here. I spent nearly two years just training my mind and spirit, but so far, the training was proving to be even harder than I expected. It was almost as if I hadn’t done anything to prepare myself, and I couldn’t help but get somewhat frustrated with myself. I mean, what had I been doing all this time? Did the consistency, determination, and discipline mean nothing? Like, honestly, why was I behind everyone!

Looking ahead, I watched as the other recruits were able to somewhat run while all I could do was walk. I had made it nearly a quarter of a mile and still had three quarters to go. This was our fifth mile, and I still wasn’t able to run it. The other recruits may not have been able to run at first, but at least they could jog by now. I was still taking it step by step and couldn’t figure out why.

“Focus!” I yelled at myself.

I could see the instructors look down at me from the balcony above but ignored their confused stares. I talked to myself from time to time, but there was nothing wrong with a little self-talk, and at this point they should’ve expected a little bit of the crazy in me to show up.

This was truly annoying.

I took a deep breath. “No time for this. The training got you here. So far, you’ve finished four miles! Now use everything you practiced to finish the fifth!”

Right, I was seeing this all the wrong way. I did my best at training myself with what I knew before joining the academy, and that was why I was even able to reach the fifth mile. I may have only been able to walk for now, but I was learning something new, and new things took me a significant amount of time to understand. But if there was one thing I knew about myself, what that when I got something, then I was good.

So, I just needed to focus. I needed to understand what was slowing me down. My greatest strength right now was my agility, my body, and the strength of my heart. No matter how hard, I knew that I could push myself through anything.

I dropped down to one knee, watching as my sweat dripped onto the floor as I contemplated how I would continue forward. I needed to figure out why this was so difficult for me when I knew that I had the heart and spirit to get ahead. 

When Thalira took a heavy step beside me, she was focused on the track ahead, reciting the meaning of Spiritfyt under her breath. “Spiritual connection: God is with me.” Another step. “Progressive mindset: keep moving forward.” Another step. “Intentionality: make every step count.” She passed me, wobbling slightly, looking like she was one strong gust of wind away from collapsing, then she glanced back over her shoulder. One eye was bloodshot red, and she was having another nosebleed.  

"You coming?"

For a moment, I just stared, then I nodded and stood back on my feet, my legs feeling much like noodles right about now.

Sergeant Stroud spoke loud so those nearby could hear. "The Revelation Mile reveals what is inside you. Every excuse, every insecurity, and every weakness you hide behind. The track doesn't create those things. It exposes them." He pointed toward the black path. "Some of you will discover your bodies are stronger than your minds. Others will discover your minds are stronger than your bodies. By the end of this trial, you'll learn which one is holding you back."

When I caught up to Thalira, she gave me a smirk. “I think I have it figured out now.”

My eyes widened, hoping she had something that I could use to kick it into gear. The only reason I was struggling right now was because I wasn’t sure what was strongest. My mind, or my body, so I wasn’t sure on the best way to move forward. "Please tell me you're about to share some secret technique."

"It's not a technique," she said. "I stopped trying to run the whole mile."

I blinked. "What?"

"The mile is too long, the finish line is extra far away, and the pain is too much." She took another step. "So, I just focus on the next step."

I watched her for a moment. Despite the sweat, nosebleed, and exhaustion, she was still moving. "I don't need to know how I'll finish," she said. "I just need to know what I'm doing right now. Besides, they didn't say we had to run. This isn't a race. Those doofuses are just competing with one another, but this is what works for me."

My mouth hung open, because it was actually working.

Unfortunately, I knew myself well enough to know it wouldn't work for me. Thalira could focus on the next step. I needed to understand why I was struggling in the first place.

“Come on, lets finish this round,” Thalira said.

I nodded and walked beside her, reciting the meaning of Spiritfyt with her. “Righteousness: do it for the right reasons.” As I spoke, I pondered on what the problem could be. What did I need to figure out in order to get through this training? “Integrity: don’t cheat yourself. Trust the process: I will become a Spirit Warrior.” Should I think of myself as a hero or a leader to get through? Hero’s could pass tests like these with flying colors. “Fortification: I will get through.” I knew that I was enough, but it didn’t entirely feel like it right now. Once again, I was having the hardest time getting through my training. “Yielding: I will be patient and pivot when I have to.” I literally used to be a slave before all this. I could do it, right? “Transformation: I am Spiritfyt.”

By the time Thalira and I crossed the finish line, most of the recruits were already gathered around the recovery stations, drinking water and catching their breath.

I let out a quiet sigh. Last again.

Trying not to draw attention to myself, I glanced up toward the observation balcony and immediately froze. Every Sergeant was already watching the track. Worse, standing among them was the Headmaster himself. His gaze lingered in our direction for only a moment before he turned and walked away.

For some reason, that felt far worse than getting left behind.

"Alright! It's time for lunch hour!" Sergeant Viera yelled. "Be back ready to run a few more miles! At the end of this training day, I want to see you all able to sprint through this track! If you don't," her eyes dropped to mine, "you'll be back early to run around the entire academy before your next training even begins!"

As we headed toward the dining hall, I groaned while rubbing my legs. "I think my problem is that I'm trying to force my way through everything."

Nox adjusted his glasses. "You're fighting the track instead of understanding it. Proverbs three-five says, 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.' You're leaning on yourself too much."

Thalira nodded. "I stopped worrying about the finish line. One step at a time."

I sighed. Somehow, all three of them had figured out something I hadn't. Yet.

The four of us grabbed our trays and grabbed food from the buffet. Before long, we found a table beneath one of the massive skylights overlooking the academy grounds. Sunlight poured through the glass above while recruits filled the room with conversation. For a few blessed minutes, nobody talked about running. We were too busy eating.

That peace lasted exactly three minutes.

"Well, if it isn't my new collection of disasters." I looked up to find Headmaster Josiah Kingsley  standing beside our table with a holotab tucked beneath one arm.

Nox nearly choked on his drink, Lyte sat up straighter, Thalira froze mid-bite, and I considered hiding under the table.

The Headmaster smiled. "Relax. If I were here to expel you, I wouldn't wait until lunch." 

That somehow made me feel worse. He pulled up a chair and sat at the end of the table, scrolling through information on his holotab. It honestly looked awkward watching the Headmaster sit in a chair that looked like it was made for kids. He was a larger, muscular man, and I almost worried that the chair would break. 

"I'll admit, today's results were entertaining." His eyes shifted to Thalira. "You looked seconds away from death for most of the trial."

"I felt seconds away from death," she chuckled. 

The Headmaster smiled. "But you've made excellent progress."

His gaze moved to Nox. "You made Gravity Training look insulting."

Nox adjusted his glasses. "I apologize."

"Apology not accepted," was his response. Then he looked at Lyte. "You stopped twice to help injured recruits."

Lyte shrugged. "They needed help." The Headmaster nodded. "But you also should have done better for someone with your background. You may have helped others, but you weren't doing much better than them. I don't want to see you holding back here. I saw the footage from the arkfall. You can use some of your energy. I want you to start applying that to your training. Otherwise, keep up the good work." When he turned to me, my stomach turned.  "And then there's Thunder."

I immediately knew this conversation wasn't going to be fun.

He rotated the holotab so I could see it. Several graphs and colored gauges moved across the display.

"The Gravity Chamber monitors more than physical performance," he explained. "Heart rate. Spiritual fluctuations. Emotional responses. And Stress levels. The energy surrounding the track reacts to all of it."

My eyes widened. "So it knows when I'm panicking?"

"It knows before you do." The Headmaster tapped the screen. One gauge was almost completely filled. "This was yours." 

I stared at it. "What does it mean?"

"Uncertainty." The joking tone disappeared from his voice, and for the first time, he looked completely serious. "The Revelation Mile isn't exhausting you because you're weak. It's exhausting you because you're uncertain."

I frowned. "Uncertain about what?"

The Headmaster cocked a brow. "Who you are."

The table fell silent.

The Headmaster folded his hands together. "Nox knows who he is, Lyte knows who he is, and even Thalira has begun establishing her identity. But you..." He pointed toward the holotab. "Your emotions shift every lap. One moment you're bravery spikes, and I can only assume you think you're a hero. Don't ask how I know that, you just seem like the type. But next, your pride spikes, and it's as if you're comparing yourself to everyone around you. It's almost like you're trying to prove yourself, and I bet some of that uncertainty is you questioning whether you belong here at all." His words hit harder than any energy wall. "The Revelation Mile attacks whatever foundation a recruit is standing on," he continued. "For some, that's fear. For others, pride. For you, it's identity."

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